Movie Review: Star Trek
Preface
I'm going to be in the minority here, but I really didn't like the new Star Trek movie. It's currently at 95% on Rotten Tomatoes. Wow! Really? Did I see the same movie as everyone else? Let's get right into it...
This review is full of spoilers...I don't make any effort to mark them or hide them. Read at your own risk.
In The Before Time
The movie opens with the USS George Kirk investigating a space "lighting storm". Emerging from the storm is a Romulan mining ship from 150 years in the future. Remember this is a mining ship, not a military vessel. It's crewed by SPACE MINERS. A short fight ensues the captain of the good guys ship shuttles over to the mining vessel where, after having some fancy holographs thrown at him, he is IMPALED BY A TRIDENT. Before the Federation ship can be destroyed 800 are able to escape on shuttle craft. Of course the filmmakers gloss over the fact that the shuttle craft have no warp drive. How were they rescued? And why didn't the Romulan ship destroy them all? Was it so badly damaged from the collision? If so how does a ship from the future get repairs? It's not like they can just jet over to Mos Eisley for some body work.
The Childhood Years
It would be a pretty short, but infinitely better, movie if the shuttle crafts had just been picked off by the space miners. Unfortunately, they somehow made it to safety, which leads to a painful childhood Kirk scene. We get that he's rebellious, but also suicidal? And these traits are what Starfleet is looking for in their starship captain aptitude test?
The Academy
Flash forward another dozen years or so: Kirk is now drunken womanizer with no real aspirations. Yet, he conveniently still lives near a Starfleet base and frequently visits bars populated by Starfleet cadets. It's almost pathetic. Like he's waiting for someone to notice him. Eventually Captain Pike recognizes him because he wrote his Starfleet dissertation on the events that killed Kirk's dad. Not only does he recognize Kirk, but he invites him to join Starfleet Academey. This isn't some community college. It's FRIGGIN' STARFLEET ACADEMY. It's like Harvard, West Point, and Google all rolled into one. And Kirk doesn't even have to send an application or references or write a cheesy essay. It's no wonder that everyone hates him. Is that another quality that Starfleet looks for in its captains?
Kobayashi Maru
We all know from Star Trek II that Kirk cheated to "win" the Kobayashi Maru. Basically he hacked (oh come on) the test and made it passable. We actually get to see that scene play out and it's really quite painful. Kirk is completely arrogant and just looks pathetic. I bet he uses an aimbot when playing Counter-Strike. That fucker.
Graduation
Kirk is pretty close to being expelled, but thankfully there is a distress call from Vulcan. The Starfleet Generals must have just finished a two day binge of Police Academy movies, because they get the brilliant idea of sending the cadets to deal with threat. Conveniently, there are undermanned starships just sitting in space dock, including the brand new Enterprise. Logically (for once), Kirk isn't assigned to a ship, but thanks to some quick thinking by Bones he is infected with a strange disease and allowed on board. That's right, there is a Starfleet regulation that allows a doctor (not even the head doctor) to bring a patient infected with a potentially contagious disease on board during a crisis situation.
On The Road
As all the other ships take off for Vulcan, The Enterprise lags behind as young Sulu forgets to disengage the "parking break." The flagship of the Federation has a pilot that is so green he doesn't even know how to go to warp. Is this really the guy you want driving your ship as you head into an unknown situation?
And seriously, Kirk is the only one who figures out what's going on? PIKE WROTE A FUCKING THESIS PAPER ON THE ORIGINAL EVENT AND SPOCK IS A WALKING WIKIPEDIA. But no one, only Kirk figures it out. Even after they all agree, they still don't warn the ships ahead of them or do anything different. And guys it's not a "trap" when the other ship doesn't give a shit if you show up or not. It's not like the mining ship knew exactly where they Starfleet ships would appear and had a photon torpedo storm waiting. They were stuck in a fixed orbit over the planet using the drill thingy.
This kills me about time travel in movies and TV. Why didn't Nero team up with Future Spock and just save Romulus this time around. They had a 125 year head start. This time they could make sure that Young Spock would be waiting with the red matter well in advance of the supernova hitting Romulus.
A couple other points here:
- Would the debris field from six destroyed starships really be that thick? If that section of space was orange juice it would have been labeled extra pulp.
- Did no one from Vulcan bother to send an updated distress call with some details of what was going on. I know, I know: communications were blocked, but are there no shuttles? Couldn't someone have just warped a few parsecs and then sent a message?
- Kirk made the connection that this was related to his dad's death because of the similar "lighting storm". But wasn't that storm caused by the wormhole, not the Romulan ship? Why was the same anomaly detected near Vulcan?
- Where the fuck was the Romulan ship the last 25 years? Did they just hang out near the wormhole waiting for Spock? How did they even know Spock would come through? Was there an astrophysicist on the crew of the SPACE MINING VESSEL?
- Was this crew of SPACE MINERS so hell bent on vengeance that they all just willing waited 25 years? I guess if they have a holodeck it can make the wait bearable...
- Did Starfleet not send another ship to investigate the anomaly?
Are We There Yet
After about a fifteen minute trip the Enterprise arrives at Vulcan and is quickly disabled. Right before Emperor Nero goes for the kill shot he pulls back, because he RECOGNIZES THE ENTERPRISE! I guess with 25 years to kill you can read a lot about Spock, but that's assuming the computers on his SPACE MINING SHIP already have that info.
Pike is forced to shuttle over to the enemy, because space drill blocks transporters and communications when enabled - AS A SIDE EFFECT, not by design. If I'm the head of a space mining company 150 years in the future and I need a drill that can go to the center of the planet and someone comes to me with this thing, isn't the fact that it inadvertently blocks communications and transport a deal breaker? Do they have to knock 20K in gold-pressed latinum off the purchase price because of this?
The brilliant plan that Pike comes up with has Kirk, Sulu and a clearly not going to survive security officer sky jumping off the shuttle (which is probably outside the Vulcan atmosphere) and free falling onto the platform. How about just firing a fucking laser beam at it? Would that have been so hard? Yeah, Nero would be pissed and probably destroy the Enterprise, but that's a pretty fair trade for 8 billion Vulcans.
Predictably, the guy with all the explosives dies after trying to be a hero and deploying his parachute at the last possible moment. (before you comment that this was probably a homage to the original series where the random dude on the away team always dies...I get it). After a SWORD FIGHT Sulu and Kirk fail to destroy the platform and end up falling off the edge only to be saved by Chekov's mad transporter skillz.
Meanwhile...
On the Romulan ship they are preparing the red matter which is a vat of highly unstable and destructive materiel, where one drop can create a blackhole large enough to stop a star that has gone supernova or destroy a planet. They acquired this vat from Spock who was going to use a single drop of it to save Romulus. Why didn't he just bring one drop, instead of a whole fucking keg? That would have been too logical.
The reason the bad guy needed Pike is so that they could extract the code to the Earth defense grid. Oh come on...really? The Earth defense grid is password protected? That's it? Did they at least make the password contain numbers and letters? Plus the Romulan ship has pretty much dispatched all adversaries with ease. They suddenly couldn't get through an archaic (by their standards) defense grid? And why didn't Vulcan have the same setup?
Boom Goes The Dynamite
Spock realizes the planet is about to go boom and is forced to beam down to save the Vulcan elders, because, apparently, they decided a planetary crisis was a good time to have a sacred cave meeting with no access to communications or transporters. Even stranger, Spock's HUMAN mother is with them. Is Spock's mother the biggest wet blanket, ball and chain wife ever? Did Spock's dad try to sneak out for for some good times with the boys and get caught, then was forced to take her with him? I can just imagine the buzzkill when the Spocks enter the cave together. Ugh, he brought her again. Most of you probably didn't catch it, but when Vulcans are getting transported and the cliff collapses killing Spock's mom, one of the Vulcans in the background give a slight fist pump. It's subtle. Also it's convenient that exactly six of them made it out of the cave, since there were only six transporter pads. How great would it have been if seven had made it and they had to tell one of them "we'll get you next time."
This Is Where It Really Falls Apart
Vulcan is gone and Spock now wants to rendezvous with the rest of the fleet. A HIGHLY EMOTIONAL (this is important later) Kirk wants to chase after Nero, who has now has targeted Earth. Why Earth? Didn't he just accomplish his vengeance plan? Spock has Kirk ejected from the ship, where he lands on the ice planet Hoth. Rather then waiting for tauntauns from a nearby Starfleet outpost, Kirk decides it would be a good time for a walk. Is he making the 14 mile trek to the outpost on foot? This is better then just waiting to be picked up? Once again, solid decision making from Kirk. A painful chase scene right from the Phantom Menace/Lucas playbook ensues where Kirk is hunted by some of the native creatures.
Future Spock
Ok, I can buy all the other huge leaps up until this point, but on a deserted ice planet Kirk happens upon Future Spock, who was stranded there by Nero, so he had a front row seat for Vulcan's destruction. Spock apparently knows that there is an outpost on the planet and how to get there, but didn't think to actually go there and try to stop Nero. And why the fuck is there an outpost on this planet? What conceivable reason could they have had?
Wait, It Gets Worse
Spock reveals that he can beam Kirk to the Enterprise, despite not knowing where it is (how could they?) and that it's traveling at warp speed. How does he accomplish this bit of magic? With a fucking formula! That's right. No modifications are needed to the 150 year old transporter technology other then fixing up the code a bit. Scotty, who was conveniently at the outpost, goes with Kirk. First of all if I was Scotty you couldn't drag me off that outpost. You mean I can stay in this nice toasty igloo on a planet completely out of harm's way or I can be the guinea pig for a high risk beam that will likely leave my arm coming out of my forehead and even if I'm lucky enough to survive I'll probably get to witness Earth being destroyed and then die myself when Nero uses his future drilling weapons on my ship. Fuck that, I'm staying here.
Second of all: why the fuck doesn't Spock go? You ready for this? Because he thinks it will be a good bonding experience for Young Spock and Kirk. That's right, Spock risks the fate of Earth, so that the Spock/Kirk bromance can blossom. Wait, get this: for Kirk to succeed, Future Spock tells him he has to become captain of the Enterprise and the best way to do this is to get Young Spock to flip out by bringing up his dead mom. We've already established that Kirk is a pretty big dick, so really this isn't that much of a stretch. The scene would have played out so much better if Spock had said: "To get control of the Enterprise you have to...", then simultaneously Kirk and Spock said "...make Spock cry by ragging on him about his dead mom." Then they high-fived.
The Fight
After another wasted action scene where Scotty gets stuck in a water slide, Kirk and Scotty are captured and brought to the bridge. Why didn't Spock just throw them in the brig? I think even Kirk was surprised; otherwise why did he try to evade the security guys? After a dozen or so "yo mama" jokes Spock finally flips out when Kirk lets loose this gem: "Hey Spock, I think we both have the same lasting image of your mother. The top of her head as she was going down. OH, SNAP!" Spock attacks Kirk, and then decides to step down as captain on his own. Now remember that even though Nero killed Spock's mom and destroyed his homeworld, Spock wasn't going after him. Kirk, whose Dad was also killed by Nero (this fact is now swept under the rug), is gung-ho on a suicide mission to stop Nero. Which one of there two is letting their emotions affect their decisions? If you answered Spock: Hi JJ Abrams, thanks for reading this.
They Kiss And Make Up
Spock runs off to his daddy and they have a heart-to-heart. I'm not sure exactly what was said, since I was trying to burst my ear drums with my soda straw at this point. Spock returns to the bridge and asks for the first officer's job. What a pussy! He just got played by Kirk and now he comes begging for his old job back!
Anyway, they have a new plan to warp into Saturn's belt, then dramatically rise through the space cloud just like in every fan boys wet dream. But then what? Oh, Chekov has figured out a way to beam onto Nero's ship. How fucking timely.
So they're going to beam a whole fucking army on board, right? Just Spock and Kirk? Really? But they'll be double fisting phaser rifles and wearing bandoliers instead of shirts, right? No?
How about this for a better plan: Let's just beam Pike right the fuck out of there, destroy the mining platform with our fricken laser beam, hail Nero and make fun of his dead wife and dead unborn baby so that we can lure him away from Earth and then beam about 400 photon torpedoes over, enjoy the explosion while cranking some Metallica, then go hit the space bar and get some hot green ass? Whose against this plan? Anyone? I didn't think so.
The End...Thankfully
I fucking hate scenes where the good guy has just a handgun and is against fifty bad guys with rifles, but the bad guys can't make a shot for their life and the good guy is running through swarms of bullets making ridicules shots. Don't movie makers play Call of Duty on Xbox Live? It just doesn't work that way.
You can pretty much guess what happens: Kirk rescues Pike, Spock steals back his future ship, destroys the drill and lures Nero after him before engaging in high stakes game of chicken. The resulting collision ignites the GIANT FUCKING VAT of red matter, which should probably engulf the entire milky way galaxy.
Nero's ship is disabled and will soon be destroyed by the ignited red matter and after refusing assistance KIRK OPENS FIRE ON HIM. They should have had Kirk pull on a Judge Dredd helmet and say "I am the law." No one in the Federation was even a little pissed that Kirk didn't capture Nero so he could stand trial - this was virtual street justice.
Aftermath
Kirk receives a medal for his part in the events. Not really sure why. Let's break down what he did:
- Realized that Nero was attacking Vulcan - Result: no change - they still went with the same plan.
- Attempted to destroy the mining platform on Vulcan - Result: fail.
- Took over The Enterprise and went after Nero - Result: success, but only because Chekov figured out a way onto Nero's ship. If Chekov had been about 10 minutes faster and presented his plan why Spock was still in charge don't you think Spock would have turned that ship right around and gone after Nero?
- Rescued Pike - Result: success, I guess. But they could have just beamed him out of there. Plus it was Spock who did all the dirty work here.
- Inspired the crew and earned their respect - Result: epic fail. Kirk did everything he could to get rid of Spock, but that wimpy little bitch kept coming back. He sexually harassed Uhura at every turn.
Oh, and wouldn't you be pissed if you were one of the 12k surviving Vulcans and Earth was having a ceremony celebrating Kirk? 8 billion Vulcans just died. Doing the math, the amount of mourning time is about 65 million years. That sounds about right.
A Few Other Things
I hated how the main characters all rose to their positions. Not one of them actually earned their jobs, except maybe Spock. How would you feel if you were a starship pilot and spent years working your ass off and actually spent time in the field only to see Sulu promoted ahead of you. Way to kill the moral of the entire fleet.
Not sure if you picked it up, but I wasn't the biggest Kirk fan. They really made him unlikable here. I know Kirk is supposed to be brash and arrogant, but they really overdid. He doesn't have one redeeming scene in the whole movie.
You're All With Me Now, Right?
I'm sure some of you will still disagree and that's your right as a mentally challenged member of society. I realize this was supposed to be a "fun, summer movie," but does that really exclude having a decent plot with creative action sequences? I really blame myself because all the warning signs were there in the trailer. I just foolishly ignored them. This is why I only go to the movies once a year.
34 Comments
+1 For the funny remarks in that last post keep it up!
Entertaining review none the less! I had all of this running in my mind while watching the movie, yet it wasn't enough to "spoil" it for me. I still like this movie and am definitely excited to see the next one.
1. Never heard "Meet me in transporter room 3"? (In relation to 7+ Vulcans escaping with Spock.)
2. JJ Abrams (from what I recall) directed the film, he didn't write it, so blaming him for Kirk (emotionally) taking control of the Enterprise after Spock lost his cool would be a bit scapegoat'ish.
That being said, I'm still looking forward to seeing Transformers, even though it'll probably have similar issues.
2) JJ had director and producer credits, plus it's billed as his movie. I think it's fair to say he had finally say over any of the plot points.
I've actually never watched a whole episode of star trek, but i felt the movie was good mindless fun. My girlfriend was a Star Trek geek, and likes bad music, so she had a song that fit the mood pretty well, check out Voltaire - USS Make Shit Up - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2v6rXs5J9M
However, I think you left out one major point. That one line "...alternate reality...", desecrated everything we have known and experienced with the Star Trek series and past movies. Those events no longer exist. Basically, what Abrams wanted was to "do his own thing" without being constrained to the Original Series (TOS) timeline/events WHILE still cashing in on the name and prestige of Gene Roddenberry's work...a.k.a., PLAGIARISM.
You do mention paradoxes in your review. If time travel is so easy, why isn't it done on a constant basis?
Also, you didn't mention "black holes" in your review. A "black hole" is a star; much like our own sun. The exception is that its extreme density causes a gravitational pull so strong that its own light cannot escape it; therefore, we cannot see it. It is not a hole. It is nothing like a hole. There is nothing on the other side...by our current physics anyway.
In this movie, I don't remember if Bones ever said (to Spock), "You cold blooded, inhuman..." And rightfully so. Spock was the most emotional character of the whole cast. He got into fights as a kid, he declined the Vulcan Science Academy out of spite, somehow fell in love and "got busy" with Uhara (by the way, does she know that she'll only have sex with him once every 7 years?), showed sadness for his mother's death, and showed violent anger with Kirk.
It could have been so easy to follow TOS timeline. There could have been an infinite number of "adventures" for follow on movies that we were not privy to with TOS. To call this an "alternate reality" is a cop out. It was the easy choice. There are 1 million Trekkies who could have been technical advisors...for free.
JJ Abrams, you are a fucker and I will not watch another one of your movies.
Thinking about this even more I feel like they just went out and found some generic sci-fi script then spent an afternoon adapting it to be a star trek movie.
As for the "real" reality we've all come to know and be bored with, it still exists. The movie takes place in an alternate reality that does not supplant the other. The co-exist in parallel, if you will. There's nothing wrong with starting "new" because the old stuff was irretrievably boring.
As for Chekov's borthday - who cares? Kirk, Spock, and McCoy are the show. Minor details do not concern me or the movie going public.
The only thing that might really bother me about the Trek film is the rapid-fire promotion of a bunch of newbies to command the flagship. But after watching American politics in real life for the the last decade, I'm willing to believe almost ANYTHING can happen.
Opening Credits:
So the movie begins FINALLY with the old Star Trek fanfare. A nod for the nostalgia buffs, but it goes right into a new theme that has little to do with "Space, the final frontier..." and more with the HMS Bounty. I mean, what is with this James Horner guy? Battle Beyond the Stars was much better, and more appropriate for a Space Movie.
And what with this title? Wrath of Khan? Wrath? Are we to believe the whole purpose of this story is to take a beloved and complex character of Khan Singh and relegate him to some maniacle revenge seeking one-dimentional twit? And what about the entire premise of "Space Seed"? Did they throw that entire point of "planting a new, superior race of humans on a distant planet and wonder what would become of the seed they planted" out the airlock?! Heresy, I say...
Kobayashi Maru:
So now we have the old crew, minus Kirk, and a few new faces, including some Eye Candy in the Captain's Chair. Plotting a course around the Romulan Neutral Zone... oh, wait! It's the Klingon Neutral Zone?! Really? Playing fast and lose with teh canon already, Mr. Meyer? What do you expect from a guy who never watched Star Trek in his life?
And this Vulcan chick saying, "Damn!" Vulcans showing emotions too? What can we expect from this movie. Nothing good I'm sure...
After an ambush by Klingons (one torpedo knocked out the sheilds? What kind of crap ship is this? V'Ger was held off better with more powerful weapons?!) Everyone dies... or so we think. Ploy to scare the fans more like it. BTW, who would possibly believe they would kill off the main characters in the first scene? (Given the movie so far, I believe Bennett would do anything...) Kirk saves the day! It's a Starfleet Academy test and our heroes, who have survived countless missions and saved earth countless times, they have all become TEACHERS. Yep, our heroes are teachers. This is the same man who faught the Gorn on Cestus III?
It's Kirk's birthday, and Spock gives him a book. Why? "I know fo your fondness of antiques." From where? When did anybody know Kirk liked antiques. He can't even work a car in "A Piece of the action". He's completely clueless in "City on the Edge of Forever". Yeah, more continuity violations. McCoy stops by later, and they have Kirk's apartment dressed with "antiques". He gets GLASSES? Yep, I guess they can travel faster than light, but can't fix everyone's eyes. And he and McCoy sip ILLEGAL Romulan Ale! They must really be trying to push the "mid-life crisis" theme to the hilt, because no way Captain Kirk would do this.
Meanwhile...
A new ship: Reliant. Chekov is 1st Officer now (apparently doing better than Uhura and Sulu since they are all the same rank, but they are teachers while Chekov has command experience) They're doing science stuff and come across Khan. How, you ask? Simple - someone didn't know how to COUNT! How the hell do they come up with the idea that this was Ceti Alpha VI? Even if Ceti Alpha VI exploded, this planet would still be the FIFTH planet in the system?! They should be at Ceti Alpha VII! More stupidity.
And why didn't Kirk notify anybody to stay away from the entire system because of Khan? Chekov FINALLY comes to the conclusion when reading a lap belt that says "Botony Bay". Really? Don't you t5hink this would have been common knowledge info they need before going in system and beaming down to planets? I refuse to believe Starfleet is this idiotic...
And how convenient that Khan remembers Chekov. Khan was a first season episode, and Chekov wasn't on board yet. More playing fast and lose with established canon I see.
And how does Khan subdue an entire Federation starship with only the contents of his cargo bays and his band of Billy Idol video rejects? Magic eels. How convenient...
Kirk Goes Space Happy
Kirk and his merry band of teaching heroes are going on a cadet cruise. They meet Scotty, who's gotten fat (does Starfleet NOT have weight control policies? C'mon...). Saavik the emotional Vulcan blasts the ship out of dock at 1/4 impulse - Haha, very funny moment. Hope nobody working at the Dock was killed!
Garbled communication from yet another "Kirk's old flame flavor of the week". At least we know he's still a womanizer, but he actually cares? Not the Kirk I know. Kirk sees Spock, and GUESS WHAT?! Yep, they're the only ship in the WHOLE DAMN QUADRANT. And now Kirk gets command again of his ship. Wasn't this all in TMP? Next you'll tell me he gets to keep command because something happens to the old Captain at the end of the movie... OOPS!
Just what is Genesis? We get to find out that some crazy scientists, headed by Kirk's old flame, came up with a way to create new life by first atomically annihilating what it used to be. Gee, I wonder if Carol got the idea for this while dating Kirk (because from those ashes came... well, we're not there yet)? Who comes up with the ultimate resource maker AND the ultimate weapon of mass doom at the same time? Geez, what kind of freaks are working in the Federation?! And isn't it now convenient that Khan's been picked up by these guys too?! And that Enterprise is also the only ship in the quadrant? And Kirk's now onboard her as captain with his old crew? Can you say Coincidence?
Great. Fans bitch about any plot inconsistencies that might pop up in STAR TREK VOYAGER. Yet, when they pop up in any of the other TREK shows or in movies such as this latest one, they respond with "who cares"?
The TREK people claimed that Chekov was aboard the Enterprise at that time, but assigned somewhere else aboard the ship. They lacked the guts to admit that the writer(s) had fucked up with continuity.
Roddenberry was just as guilty for the inconsistencies shown in the TREK movies during the 1980s. Even if he didn't have the last word, he should have pointed them out.
1. In WOK Kirk said he changed the conditions of the test and in the pseudo-canon book of the same name, he did it by hacking the system to make it passable, so the hacking does not violate canon.
2. McCoy does NOT infect Kirk with a disease. He very clearly states he’s injected Kirk with a vaccine in order to make it look like he’s sick.
3. Kirk is the only one able to connect is the transmission from Rura Penthe with the attack on the Kelvin with what’s happening on Vulcan because he’s the only one with all the information.
4. The attack on Vulcan might not have been a trap in the most traditional sense, but it certainly was a death trap for the fleet that arrived ahead of them.
5. Nero blames Spock Prime for the deliberately failing to save Romulus from destruction in the Prime timeline, so he has no reason to “team up” with him and Spock save Romulus in this timeline.
6. Chekov is referring the “lightning storm” detected near Klingon space, when Spock Prime exited the singularity - there was no mention of such an anomaly near Vulcan.
7. The anomaly didn’t persist for 25 years - we see it re-open when the Jellyfish comes through, so there’s no reason for another StarFleet vessel to investigate the thing.
8. Pike’s plan was brilliant. By attacking the drill covertly he protects his ship and his crew from retaliation for destroying it and positions them to respond to whatever Nero does next.
9. Kirk and Sulu succeeded in destroying the drill - they shot the crap out of it and Nero orders it pulled up when it stops working, which is when Sulu falls off? Remember?
10. The elders were in the Vulcan equivalent of a bunker - they had no reason to believe the entire plant was about to go boom. And Spock’s mom was there because she is just that awesome.
11. You are confusing emotional with emotionally compromised. Spock Prime quotes StarFleet regulations that state an officer is unfit for command if he is emotionally compromised by the mission at hand.
12. Scotty hung a lampshade on the near-impossibility of transwarp beaming, and nearly died in the process. And he was going stir-crazy on Delta Vega, which is why he was willing to take the risk.
13. Spock was making the wrong choice because he was trying to stifle his emotional urge to go on a roaring rampage of revenge. His emotional trauma compromised his ability to make the right decision.
14. After Sarek tells Spock to get his revenge on (it was implied) he returns to the bridge to volunteer for a suicide mission, not to ask for the position of first officer - that happens at the end of the movie.
15. Chekov didn’t figure out a way to beam aboard the Narada, he figured out a way to sneak up on the Narada by hiding in Saturn’s rings. Beaming wasn’t a problem as long as the drill wasn’t active.
16. Beaming Pike out wasn’t an option - it alerts Nero to their presence and does nothing to stop him. Beaming over a WMD was an option, but probably would’ve meant sacrificing Pike.
17. I didn’t see 50 guys and I didn’t see any rifles in the phaser battle with the Romulans. They were outnumbered, but not by that much. And as you’ve pointed out they were MINERS, not soldiers.
18. Kirk was not practicing “street justice” because he there was no way he could risk the Narada once again surviving a trip through the singularity to wreak havoc in another timeframe.
19. Chekov wouldn’t have presented his plan to Spock because Spock was not asking for ideas on how to sneak up on Nero - he was headed for the Laurentian system to rendezvous with what was left of the fleet.
20. Kirk and Spock shared the “dirty” work on the Narada - Spock’s job was to prevent the use of the red matter on Earth and Kirk’s was to rescue Pike. They both succeeded.
21. Kirk did succeed in earning the respect of the crew. This is most obvious in Uhura, with her mocking “Captain” in the simulation being miles from the heartfelt one at the end of the movie.
22. Kirk did not spend the movie trying to get rid of Spock, Spock spent the movie trying to get rid of Kirk. Expulsion, marooning - this ringing any bells?
23. The entire crew earned their jobs: Chekov and Sulu were already assigned to the bridge, Uhura and Kirk were field promotions and McCoy and Scott were both ordered to replaced dead officers.
And just a few of the things that didn’t need to happen:
We didn’t need to see the Narada fail to attack the shuttles to know it was too damaged to do so - that was the point of the kamikae run. There was no need for a montage of the mining crew working on repairs for the next 25 years. Not only do we not need to see that Kirk is StarFleet material, we need to see the opposite as the Wee!Kirk we see clinging to the cliff’s edge grows to achieve what Prime!Kirk did in spite of a fundamental change in the foundation of his life. We don’t need to see Kirk filling out applications or undergoing interviews to know that his application was a success because him meeting Pike’s challenge to show up at the shuttle followed by the “Three Years Later” cut to him at the Academy was enough. I’ve seen WOK, I don’t need the movie to tell me those conveniently undermanned ships are waiting to take the cadets on their shakedown cruises.
And if you want to nitpick the wacked out sense of scale, the technobabble and dodgy science - well it‘s a fun hobby. It‘s also makes this movie no different from any other Star Trek movie.
So in summary: no I’m not with you. Thanks ever so for your permission to enjoy the movie, though.
1. My complaint here is that a) the Kirk portrayed in this movie gave no hints that he'd be able to hack anything and b) he looked like a sad pathetic fool when "beating" it
2. vaccine or disease...whatever. The point remains: They let Kirk, who appeared to be really sick, aboard the ship during an emergency situation without clearing it with any superiors. The writer's gave a flimsy excuse by citing a starfleet regulation - a trick they use later in the movie as well.
3. How is he the only one with all the information? He was 3 seconds old at the time. Pike wrote a paper on it.
4. So we agree here?
5. It would be one thing if Spock stopped for burritos on the way, but I think after 25 years, even if it wasn't Nero, some of the crew would have been a little more forgiving and figured this out.
6. Then what was so similar that led Kirk to make the connection?
7. The anomaly was gone so they just closed the book on it?
8. I don't think a plan that ends with 8 billion people dying can be called brilliant.
9. They clearly didn't destroy the drill as it's being used on Earth shortly after. It's not like they had much time to do repairs. Maybe they succeeded in getting Nero to stop drilling, but he'd already gotten far enough anyway. This bring up another point. Why the drill? If that red matter can absorb a star gone super nova, I'm pretty sure igniting some of it near the planet would effectively do the job.
10. Worst. Bunker. Ever. No communications? No actual door? No guards? How come Spock's mom was the only other family allowed?
11. Again the starfleet regs. My argument still stands. Kirk was just as emotionally compromised.
12. Why is everyone in Starfleet suicidal?
13. Huh? So his emotions said to go after Nero, which is the "right" decision. But he realized he was being emotional and did the opposite, which was the "wrong" decision. So by that argument he resisted his "roaring rampage of revenge" and that was the wrong thing to do.
14. Either way Spock looks weak here.
15. Fine. Chekov is the hero then. Lets give him the medal.
16. If they beemed Pike out AND shot their lasers at the drill...problem solved.
17. Fine, there was like 25 guys. I still contend that 25 heavily armed miners can take out two guys with hand phasers. And you can't have it both ways - either these guys are bumbling miners or they're relentless space terrorists.
18. Still could have beamed the entire crew right to the brig. Also I didn't get the impression that any time the red matter was used it opened up a hole to another time/dimension. Does that mean Spock sent the exploding star randomly to an alternate universe/time?
19. Glad you pointed this out...I missed it as an example of Spock's incompetence.
20. Again, you can replace Kirk with a flick of a switch for the transport beam and have the same results.
21. Just because the screenwriters say that Uhura respects Kirk now, doesn't mean it's actually believable.
22. Spock was reacting to Kirk instigating him. He cheated on Spock's test and then threw it in his face. He got marooned for disobeying Spock's order in front of the crew.
23. Sulu earned his job? Really? He couldn't execute the most basic function of starship piloting. Chekov was competent...I've never argued that. Uhuru slept her way to her job. McCoy I can accept. Scotty is a strech. What about the #2 engineer who got skipped over for a guy who was reprimanded to Siberia. There is no way that Kirk was next in line for the Enterprise. There were no other canidates who had completed the academy and actually served on a starship?
I actually would have liked to see Kirk (and the others) working their way through the academy and their early starship assignments, culminating with them all being assigned to the Enterprise at the movie's end. There are going to be a bunch of sequels, so what's the rush?
1. Pike described Kirk as a “genius level repeat offender” with off the chart aptitude scores and he we see that he successfully completed four years of coursework in three. So we did get hints, those were them.
2. You were complaining about McCoy deliberately giving him a disease, which didn’t happen. Also, StarFleet regulations are not flimsy excuses and there is precedent in TOS for how much power they give senior medical officers like McCoy (hint: it’s a lot, and he easily outranks a shuttle conductor).
3. Spock and Pike might know about the lightning storm and the Kelvin, but they don’t know about the message Uhura translated about the destruction of 47 Klingon vessels. Only Kirk has all the pieces.
4. That it’s totally ridiculous for you to nitpick Kirk’s use of the word “trap” to describe the deathtrap they were flying into? Sure we agree.
5. From the point of view of the Romulans, Spock waited until after their home world was destroyed before he stopped the galaxy-threatening supernova - Romulans aren’t they type to forgive something like that, even after 25 years.
6. It was putting together all the pieces that allowed Kirk to figure out that something big and bad was waiting for them at Vulcan, even though the lightning storm was detected elsewhere.
7. Well, yes. You’re complaining there wasn’t a StarFleet vessel parked there observing it for the last 25 years, I’m explaining it wasn’t there for the last 25 years to be observed.
8. I think a plan that ends with them surviving long enough to save the billions more who would’ve been killed instead of being blown out of the sky like the rest of the fleet is pretty damn brilliant.
9. They clearly damaged it enough to stop it from working, as we see it stop working and a Romulan reporting to Nero that the drill stopped working. Yes, it was too late to save Vulcan from the red matter they didn‘t know about, but the complaint that they’d failed in their mission to stop it was clearly wrong.
10. The bunker was for the preservation of Vulcan’s cultural and spiritual heritage, not their politcal structure and was therefore shielded from everything, including comms. We don’t know Amanda was the only family there - all of the elders may have had their spouses with them.
11. Even if Kirk was as emotional as Spock, his ability to command was not compromised. And what do you have against StarFleet regulations, anyway? Every military and political hierarchy has some criteria for determining if the person in charge is fit for duty and we’ve seen it in TOS before.
12. You try spending months stuck on an ice ball with nothing but protein nibs to eat and a wee lizard man as company and then tell me what you’re willing to do to leave. Also, for Science! is a legitimate motivation.
13. Spock tends to overcompensate for his personal feelings. The first example of that (in the shuttle bay with Uhura) also shows that under normal circumstances a logical argument is able to sway him. When he does it again after the destruction of Vulcan, he is unable to accept a reasoned argument to make what for him is the emotional choice, because his ability to command is compromised.
14. At least now your complaining about something that actually happened. Sort of, because it’s not weak to pull yourself together after a breakdown, admit you were wrong and volunteer to take on a suicide mission to save the only home you have left.
15. So you’re done complaining about this particular thing that didn‘t happen? Good.
16. If they could’ve beamed Pike out they probably would have - I didn’t need to hear them say it wasn‘t possible to figure that out. And as you pointed out RE: Vulcan, they already know that just shooting the drill doesn’t solve anything.
17. That’s still not what actually happen in this movie. It was half a dozen lightly armed miners caught by surprise, not 25 heavily armed soldiers waiting in ambush, and having a vendetta isn’t going to magically transform them into crack shots.
18. Kirk offered to rescue the crew of the Narada, the captain refused their assistance. He wasn’t obligated to rescue them against their express wishes, but he was obligated to make sure they could never again threaten the Federation. And you didn’t notice the red matter creating a singularity that allowed both the Narada and the Jellyfish to travel back in time, setting into motion the entire plot of the movie? Seriously?
19. Actually, this is an example of Spock’s ability to command being emotionally compromised in addition to being an example of you complaining about something that couldn’t possibly have happened in the movie.
20. Again, if they could’ve transported Pike aboard they probably would’ve done it. What we actually see is that only when Kirk signals the Enterprise is Scotty able to lock on and beam the two of them aboard.
21. You don’t find it believable that Kirk succeeded in earning the respect and loyalty of the crew and that’s fine. Doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.
22. Yes, those are things that actually happened in the movie. Unlike your bizarre assertion that Kirk was the one trying to get rid of Spock. It was on your list of his made up failures, remember?
23. Yes, Sulu earned his job before the movie began, that’s why he’s at the helm. You said no on earned their position other than Spock, that includes Chekov. Uhura’s not sleeping with Pike, and he’s the one who gave her the field promotion. I don’t think Engineer Number Two is going to mind stepping aside for the guy who invented transwarp beaming and saved the ship from certain doom. There might have been other candidates for Captain in what’s left of the fleet, but none of them had distinguished themselves the way Kirk did during the crisis - he earned that promotion.
And stating what you would’ve preferred to see in the movie is a legitimate criticism. I challenge you to do more of that, and less complaining about things that didn‘t even happen and whining about things that didn‘t happen because they didn‘t need to. That should leave you with Kirk’s character arc, minus your labelling of his successes as failures and whinging about not getting to watch him take his SATs and… yeah. That’s it.
HOW? Kirk was barely born when his father died at the Kelvin's destruction. What? He spent most of his life reading Starfleet's report on what happened? Or his three years at Starfleet Academy? That is the only thing I could see happening.
Uhura’s not sleeping with Pike, and he’s the one who gave her the field promotion.
Spock was the one who got her aboard the Enterprise.
What in the hell was Chekov doing aboard the Enterprise in 2258. He wasn't supposed to be 17 years old in the first place. He was supposed to be 13. This is worst than that whole "WRATH OF KHAN" debacle.
And you’re right about the sequel - I think I read somewhere that the writer’s have as good as admitted that Scotty’s transwarp beaming technique will develop some technical difficulties in the sequel. It’s a Star Trek tradition, rendering tech unusable for the sake of drama.
Rosie, I think you answered your own question. We see Pike telling Kirk about the destruction of the Kelvin on screen, and he obviously learned enough of the details off-screen to know about the “lightning storm” in space. Like his application process and interviews, we didn’t really need to see him reading Pike’s dissertation to figure out he probably did.
Uhura is the one who got herself aboard the Enterprise. She had earned a position on the flagship, but Spock unfairly assigned her to the Farragut instead because he didn’t want to look like he was playing favourites. She confronted him with her credentials and he deferred to her logic and all around awesomeness. Pike did the same when he promoted her after she out-awesomed his original Communications Officer.
Once you accept that alternate timeline is alternate, anything that happened after the destruction of the Kelvin - like Chekov’s birth - is easily hand-waved. One of the ripples of divergence resulted in him being born earlier than he was in the Prime timeline. Voila! 17 year old baby genius Chekov.
3. Crummy action sequences. The car and animal chases and the shootout on Nero's ship were down right bad. The parachute and fight on the platform was uninspired. The ship fights were boring, even by Star Trek standards. Pretty much just the two ships facing off and firing.
2. Huge leaps required to connect the scenes. The worst sequence being Kirk landing on the ice planet, finding Spock and trans-warp beaming.
1. Kirk was bland and unlikeable. Compare him to Maverick from Top Gun. Both are rebellious, but gifted. Take the scenes leading up to each being sent to their elite schools. Mav disobeys his commander to rescue a fellow pilot and is reluctantly sent to Mirimar, but it's his dream and he's stoked to go. Kirk hits on Uhura and starts a bar fight with his peers and goes to Starfleet only after being challenged by Pike.
There's no evolution to Kirk to the point where we believe he should be captain of the Enterprise. He's pretty much the same guy from the bar scene on. He never shows any real emotions - remorse for his mistakes, sadness at the loss of Vulcan, fear over his risky plan to stop Nero from destroying Earth.
So . . . because Nero time traveled to the past and destroyed the Kelvin, Pavel Chekov is born four years earlier? And his personality is changed to the point that he suddenly becomes a child prodigy? And this is easily hand-waved.
This is bullshit and a prime example of lazy writing. Not only is this bullshit, this is sad that people are so willing to love this film, that they turn a blind eye to some very obvious flaws.
And why did Nero attack the Kelvin? What did he do during those 25 years between the Kelvin's destruction and Vulcan's destruction? And please explain what George and Winona Kirk was doing on the Kelvin? In the real timeline, Kirk was born in Iowa. On the planet Earth. You can't use Nero's appearance from the past as an excuse that the couple ended up in space, instead. Nero's appearance is supposed to bring about these changes in the new timeline. So, how did George and Winona Kirk ended up on the U.S.S. Kelvin, instead of remaining on Earth at the time of Kirk's birth?
This movie has sloppy writing and I'm getting tired of fans and the screenwriters trying to excuse its flaws.
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